POEMS BY ANDREW SHAFFER*

*Excluding poems penned by Shaffer’s various pen names

#SponsoredPost [multiple poems share this title], Let’s See Them Poems and Look Mom I’m a Poet

The 12 Shades of Christmas, Fifty Shames Gone Grey: A Novella

21st Century Lennon, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

About a Girl, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Advice for the Young Poet, Look Mom I’m a Poet

After the Break-up, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

All for You, My Love, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

All the Sausage Your Heart Desires, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

All Hands on Deck, Look Mom I’m a Poet

The Ballad of Andrew Garfield, Let’s See Them Poems

The Ballad of Bart O’Kavanaugh, The Summer of ‘82 (I Still Like Beer) and Look Mom I’m a Poet

The Ballad of Eric Bloodaxe, Let’s See Them Poems

Beautiful You, Look Mom I’m a Poet

Black Hole Heart, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Can We Please Stop Using the Word “Crazy”?, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Carpe DM, Let’s See Them Poems

The Christmas Snitch, It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like F*ck This

Dear Penthouse Review…, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Do You Hear What I Hear?, It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like F*ck This and Look Mom I’m a Poet

Don’t Panic, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Don’t Throw Away Your Shot, Let’s See Them Poems and Look Mom I’m a Poet

Donuts & More, Let’s See Them Poems and Look Mom I’m a Poet

Eggplant Emoji, Crying Laughing Emoji, Let’s See Them Poems and Look Mom I’m a Poet

Etiquette, Look Mom I’m a Poet

Exact Change Only, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Fashion Advice, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

A Few Words of Advice, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Florida, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

For Steelers Fans Only, Let’s See Them Poems and Look Mom I’m a Poet

Fragile Things, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Freedom, Let’s See Them Poems (v1) and Look Mom I’m a Poet (v2)

Game Over, Let’s See Them Poems and Look Mom I’m a Poet

Goodnight Moon, Look Mom I’m a Poet

Great Kentuckians of Kentucky: George Clooney, Look Mom I’m a Poet

Halloween Funnies (Or, Why They Won’t Let Me Write Children’s Books), Look Mom I’m a Poet

Happiness is Just Around the Corner, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Haters Gonna Hate, Let’s See Them Poems and Look Mom I’m a Poet

He was a Precious Metal—, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Her Madness, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

The Hotel Florida, Let’s See Them Poems and Look Mom I’m a Poet

How to Be the Best “You” You Can Be (In 13 Easy Steps), Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Humblebrag, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

I Believe It Was Kierkegaard Who Said:, Look Mom I’m a Poet

I Have a Pretty Granddaughter. I Also Have a Gun, a Shovel, and an Alibi., Look Mom I’m a Poet

I Have My Limits, Let’s See Them Poems (v1) and Look Mom I’m a Poet (v2)

I Read Your Chapbook, Look Mom I’m a Poet

I Read Your Stupid Chapbook, Let’s See Them Poems

I’m Amazing Just the Way I Am, Let’s See Them Poems and Look Mom I’m a Poet

I’m Not Crying, You’re Crying, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

In the Twilight, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

In These Challenging Times, Look Mom I’m a Poet

Keep Your Clothes On, Let’s See Them Poems and Look Mom I’m a Poet

The Last Temptation of Little Debbie, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Lesson Learned, I Guess, Look Mom I’m a Poet

Let Her Go, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Liar, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Live Free or Die, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Look Mom I’m a Poet, Look Mom I’m a Poet

The Madman and the Professor, Let’s See Them Poems and Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Magic, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Men’s Magazine Sartorial Advice Columnist on His Final Day on the Job, Look Mom I’m a Poet

The Merchant of Venice Beach, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Midwest Love Poem, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

M/F/K (Internet Edition), Let’s See Them Poems and Look Mom I’m a Poet

My 21st Birthday, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Nature Walk, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Never Stop Learning, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Nostalgia, Let’s See Them Poems and Look Mom I’m a Poet

Nuthin’ But a Ghost Thang, Ghosts from Our Past

One Thin Mint, One Vote, Look Mom I’m a Poet

Only God Can Judge Me, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

The Only Thing, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

The Only Way to Stop a Bad Guy with a Gun Is a Good Guy with a Gun, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, Let’s See Them Poems, and Look Mom I’m a Poet - READ FOR FREE ONLINE

Ontario Summers, Look Mom I’m a Poet

Overheard In a Coffee Shop, Let’s See Them Poems and Look Mom I’m a Poet

Overheard in a Tenth Century Coffee Shop, Let’s See Them Poems and Look Mom I’m a Poet

Peer Pressure, Look Mom I’m a Poet

Planet Hollywood, Let’s See Them Poems (v1) and Look Mom I’m a Poet (v2)

Poem Excerpted from the Book “For Steelers Fans Only”, Let’s See Them Poems and Look Mom I’m a Poet

Poetry Edgelord, Look Mom I’m a Poet

The Poetry Guild vs. Andrew Shaffer, Look Mom I’m a Poet

The Poets Strike, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Possession, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

The Power of Belief, Look Mom I’m a Poet

Red Flag, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Regret, It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like F*ck This

Rejection Letter for “Dear Penthouse Review…”, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Remembrances of Yesteryear, Let’s See Them Poems and Look Mom I’m a Poet

Response to “Rejection Letter for ‘Dear Penthouse Review’”, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Response to Response to “Rejection Letter for ‘Dear Penthouse Review’”, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Review of “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck,” Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Review of “Two Assholes,” an Adult Video About an Alien With Two Butts, Let’s See Them Poems and Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Rough Draft, Look Mom I’m a Poet

Search Results, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Seatmates, Look Mom I’m a Poet

Serious Question, Let’s See Them Poems and Look Mom I’m a Poet

Shoot for the Stars, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Shut Up, Hippie, Look Mom I’m a Poet

The Six Saddest Words in the English Language, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Some Good News and Bad News About Santa, It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like F*ck This and Look Mom I’m a Poet

Some Thoughts for a Bleak Midwinter Night, It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like F*ck This, Let’s See Them Poems, and Look Mom I’m a Poet

Soy Un Perdedor, Let’s See Them Poems and Look Mom I’m a Poet

Stupid, Look Mom I’m a Poet

Stupider, Look Mom I’m a Poet

The Summer of ’99, Let’s See Them Poems

This Poem Stinks, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Time & Space, Let’s See Them Poems and Look Mom I’m a Poet

Travel Advice, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Trippy, Let’s See Them Poems

Two-Hundred Million Reasons Not To Tell People You’re a Writer, Look Mom I’m a Poet

Under the Covers, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Unsolicited Observation, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Unsolved Mysteries, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

We are All Stardust, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

The Woods, Look Mom I’m a Poet

Words are Mightier Than Swords, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Writing Advice, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

You Are Not a Badass, Let’s See Them Poems

You Are Not a Mermaid, Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)

Your Authentic Self, Look Mom I’m a Poet

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